Very relatable. I also used to think that intoxicating, alive, adventurous feeling came from the bad boys of the world. Turns out, it didn’t. It was in me all along. And it’s in you, too.
You don’t need the bad boy to access it (wild, I know). The challenge is learning how to build that sense of aliveness from the inside out instead of borrowing it from someone else.
It’s also why it feels scarce and addictive, your brain learned it comes from outside of you, but it’s yours. 🩷
i love this line “The challenge is learning how to build that sense of aliveness from the inside out instead of borrowing it from someone else.” i could not agree more. I used to always outsource that feeling to men who were terrible for me, which was a very inefficient strategy.
This was such a relatable and hilarious piece!! I'm also learning to let go of the emptional highs and stop shrinking myself for that kind.of attention and this piece validated it all for me!! ✨️
Thank you for reading; im glad it resonated with you. I think a lot of us have spent way too much time confusing intensity with interest. I'm glad you're getting out of the shrinking-yourself business. It's a terrible deal and the return on investment is awful.
Thanks for writing this, Nicole. I was there before I met my wife! I went for women who didn't want me, who I had to chase, and who made me feel like garbage. Then I did some soul searching, decided I didn't want that anymore, and met my wife. She was worth the wait - and that will happen for you as well.
so many of us spend years chasing people who make us work for every scrap of attention. I love that you found your person and stopped settling for relationships that made you feel bad about yourself. thank you for reading!!!
Such a relatable piece! My type used to be “bad boys”, men playing in a band, gamers or men with big bikes. I liked them younger than me. I loved the feeling of knowing more than them and being the guide on most aspects. Of course, it didn’t work out for me.
“They say real love enters quietly, calm, and without butterflies”. This is exactly what happened, my husband is very far from my type. He’s an athlete, loves to walk, read and is just the same age as I.
It's funny how that happens. We spend years convinced we know exactly who we're looking for, and then someone completely different shows up and changes the whole picture. I love that your husband was the opposite of what you expected. Life seems to have a sense of humor that way.
The dichotomy of what is familiar and what is a mistake you can't shake. I find myself in a similar gambit frightened by the frequency of the occurrence.
can relate to that. Familiarity has a way of making us question our own judgment, especially when the pattern keeps showing up in different forms. I've found that noticing it is one thing, changing it is a whole different challenge.
Very relatable. I also used to think that intoxicating, alive, adventurous feeling came from the bad boys of the world. Turns out, it didn’t. It was in me all along. And it’s in you, too.
You don’t need the bad boy to access it (wild, I know). The challenge is learning how to build that sense of aliveness from the inside out instead of borrowing it from someone else.
It’s also why it feels scarce and addictive, your brain learned it comes from outside of you, but it’s yours. 🩷
i love this line “The challenge is learning how to build that sense of aliveness from the inside out instead of borrowing it from someone else.” i could not agree more. I used to always outsource that feeling to men who were terrible for me, which was a very inefficient strategy.
This was such a relatable and hilarious piece!! I'm also learning to let go of the emptional highs and stop shrinking myself for that kind.of attention and this piece validated it all for me!! ✨️
Thank you for reading; im glad it resonated with you. I think a lot of us have spent way too much time confusing intensity with interest. I'm glad you're getting out of the shrinking-yourself business. It's a terrible deal and the return on investment is awful.
Thanks for writing this, Nicole. I was there before I met my wife! I went for women who didn't want me, who I had to chase, and who made me feel like garbage. Then I did some soul searching, decided I didn't want that anymore, and met my wife. She was worth the wait - and that will happen for you as well.
so many of us spend years chasing people who make us work for every scrap of attention. I love that you found your person and stopped settling for relationships that made you feel bad about yourself. thank you for reading!!!
Such a relatable piece! My type used to be “bad boys”, men playing in a band, gamers or men with big bikes. I liked them younger than me. I loved the feeling of knowing more than them and being the guide on most aspects. Of course, it didn’t work out for me.
“They say real love enters quietly, calm, and without butterflies”. This is exactly what happened, my husband is very far from my type. He’s an athlete, loves to walk, read and is just the same age as I.
It's funny how that happens. We spend years convinced we know exactly who we're looking for, and then someone completely different shows up and changes the whole picture. I love that your husband was the opposite of what you expected. Life seems to have a sense of humor that way.
Indeed!
Peace can feel boring at first if your body is used to love feeling uncertain.
I think that's exactly what tripped me up for a long time. I was so used to unpredictability that consistency felt almost suspicious at first.
True thats exactly what happens until we start paying attention to the signs in our body and how we actually feel.
The dichotomy of what is familiar and what is a mistake you can't shake. I find myself in a similar gambit frightened by the frequency of the occurrence.
can relate to that. Familiarity has a way of making us question our own judgment, especially when the pattern keeps showing up in different forms. I've found that noticing it is one thing, changing it is a whole different challenge.
I love your arc of growth, your vulnerability, and what you explore here. You will know when it is right. ❤️
Thank you Jen. It felt good to write something this honest.