This was such a good read because I feel like I'm beginning to dip my toes in similar waters as far as being interested in younger men. It's interesting because in the past I have only felt attracted to around 10 yrs older... which for me was just a recipe for feeling inadequate. For the first time I'm interested in someone younger. 5 years younger. I'm beginning to think less about age and more about being on 'equal footing' as relevant for me. I think it's different for everyone though.
I love that you’re letting yourself question the old pattern instead of automatically repeating it. Being drawn to someone younger can bring up different feelings, esp if older always left you feeling small. I think sometimes we carry fixed beliefs about what dating younger means, and I know I’ve sabotaged things before based on my own assumptions instead of giving it a real chance. Five years isn’t much when the dynamic feels mutual and balanced. Keep me posted on how it goes!!!
Even though I’m still in my 20s, woman to woman, I can feel what you’re going through. It’s reassuring to know that, no matter the age, we’re all just exploring and figuring it out as we go.
I spent a long time worrying if my partner being 9 years older than me was a problem. Ten years later we’re married and it didn’t become a problem because I don’t let it. That being said I have a curiosity about 15/20 year age gaps because suddenly there is the risk that you don’t experience old age together - but we never had that guarantee anyway.
What people build together day to day tends to matter more than the illusion of matching timelines. Time is unpredictable no matter how carefully anyone tries to manage it. I love hearing about marriages that work, and I’m glad you trusted what you had instead of letting age turn into a question mark.
Last-if he's in his 30's he's not a "newbie" in his 20's so he has likely had a heartbreak or two and if he's enlightened and healed-he has learned and his age is but a number! Own your hotness and just practice discernment and never again overlook red flags no matter how fucking sexy they might be! 😂❤️
Didn't you grow up with divorced parents? In my experience it would matter a lot if someone had kids. You may not think that now but I've seen too many examples of step children taking out their anger on elderly, vulnerable step parents. Not pretty. And why I married a guy with no kids.
That makes sense. I grew up in a blended family, my dad had two older kids from his first marriage, and my mom was almost 20 years younger than him. In the early years, my sisters made it hard on her, and looking back, I can also admit I wasn’t exactly welcoming to some of my dad’s girlfriends when I was a kid, since they were literally half his age. It’s given me a lot of empathy for how complicated those dynamics can be. I think it really does depend on the people, the timing, and how things are handled.
I think that parents need to be explicit about financial lines and hold to them. Otherwise it becomes a nightmare. My father's third, much younger wife got him to leave everything to her right after they married. But I will say this, she stuck with him and was really good to him for 25 years. She could have taken his money and dumped him on my doorstep and she didn't. My step dad was a better father than my biological dad and my step grandfather was the only grandparent who paid attention to me. Granted he was a narcissist who loved attention, but he was hugely generous and entertaining. So I have mixed feelings about blended families.if you don't stir them well, they curdle.
That’s what makes these conversations complicated. Blended families can hold both generosity and harm at the same time, sometimes in the very same person. Someone can be flawed and still show up in ways that matter. I LOVE your line about things curdling if they aren’t stirred well. When expectations stay unspoken, people fill in the gaps with resentment or control. Delineating expectations early gives relationships a chance to hold.
The big reason I would never date a divorced man with a kid is that most women, even if they caused the divorce, they will be fine until their ex falls in love and gets married. God forbid he is happy now. That's when they go psycho. And they use the kids to cause problems. And it will go on for years. I've seen it too many times.
When people find out my age, I get the whole, “No way, you don’t look like it.”
GOOD. Because it’s painful and expensive. - had to laugh out loud :) love your honesty about the whole experience, and can definitely relate to the pressure of time in other areas of life as well.
This was such a good read because I feel like I'm beginning to dip my toes in similar waters as far as being interested in younger men. It's interesting because in the past I have only felt attracted to around 10 yrs older... which for me was just a recipe for feeling inadequate. For the first time I'm interested in someone younger. 5 years younger. I'm beginning to think less about age and more about being on 'equal footing' as relevant for me. I think it's different for everyone though.
I love that you’re letting yourself question the old pattern instead of automatically repeating it. Being drawn to someone younger can bring up different feelings, esp if older always left you feeling small. I think sometimes we carry fixed beliefs about what dating younger means, and I know I’ve sabotaged things before based on my own assumptions instead of giving it a real chance. Five years isn’t much when the dynamic feels mutual and balanced. Keep me posted on how it goes!!!
Even though I’m still in my 20s, woman to woman, I can feel what you’re going through. It’s reassuring to know that, no matter the age, we’re all just exploring and figuring it out as we go.
I agree with you that what matters most is mutual respect and equal footing, not just the number of years between people!
I spent a long time worrying if my partner being 9 years older than me was a problem. Ten years later we’re married and it didn’t become a problem because I don’t let it. That being said I have a curiosity about 15/20 year age gaps because suddenly there is the risk that you don’t experience old age together - but we never had that guarantee anyway.
What people build together day to day tends to matter more than the illusion of matching timelines. Time is unpredictable no matter how carefully anyone tries to manage it. I love hearing about marriages that work, and I’m glad you trusted what you had instead of letting age turn into a question mark.
Last-if he's in his 30's he's not a "newbie" in his 20's so he has likely had a heartbreak or two and if he's enlightened and healed-he has learned and his age is but a number! Own your hotness and just practice discernment and never again overlook red flags no matter how fucking sexy they might be! 😂❤️
Didn't you grow up with divorced parents? In my experience it would matter a lot if someone had kids. You may not think that now but I've seen too many examples of step children taking out their anger on elderly, vulnerable step parents. Not pretty. And why I married a guy with no kids.
That makes sense. I grew up in a blended family, my dad had two older kids from his first marriage, and my mom was almost 20 years younger than him. In the early years, my sisters made it hard on her, and looking back, I can also admit I wasn’t exactly welcoming to some of my dad’s girlfriends when I was a kid, since they were literally half his age. It’s given me a lot of empathy for how complicated those dynamics can be. I think it really does depend on the people, the timing, and how things are handled.
I think that parents need to be explicit about financial lines and hold to them. Otherwise it becomes a nightmare. My father's third, much younger wife got him to leave everything to her right after they married. But I will say this, she stuck with him and was really good to him for 25 years. She could have taken his money and dumped him on my doorstep and she didn't. My step dad was a better father than my biological dad and my step grandfather was the only grandparent who paid attention to me. Granted he was a narcissist who loved attention, but he was hugely generous and entertaining. So I have mixed feelings about blended families.if you don't stir them well, they curdle.
That’s what makes these conversations complicated. Blended families can hold both generosity and harm at the same time, sometimes in the very same person. Someone can be flawed and still show up in ways that matter. I LOVE your line about things curdling if they aren’t stirred well. When expectations stay unspoken, people fill in the gaps with resentment or control. Delineating expectations early gives relationships a chance to hold.
The big reason I would never date a divorced man with a kid is that most women, even if they caused the divorce, they will be fine until their ex falls in love and gets married. God forbid he is happy now. That's when they go psycho. And they use the kids to cause problems. And it will go on for years. I've seen it too many times.
When people find out my age, I get the whole, “No way, you don’t look like it.”
GOOD. Because it’s painful and expensive. - had to laugh out loud :) love your honesty about the whole experience, and can definitely relate to the pressure of time in other areas of life as well.
I’m glad you laughed. That pressure clock sneaks into a lot of areas of life, not just age.