Such a needed reminder. Not all pain is pathology. Sometimes it’s just heartbreak, not a diagnosis. Thanks for bringing clarity back to the conversation.
That’s exactly the point!! Sometimes pain is just human, ordinary behavior, not something that needs to be labeled or fixed. I love that you understood this post!
Amen to that!! I'm the first one who's interested in psychology but I tend to be very sceptical of people, especially on Instagram, who all they talk about is how to diagnose a narcissist, or "you can tell someone has a personality disorder by these 5 traits", usually most of them spread misinformation and a lot of people fall for it. And sometimes labeling someone become an excuse for not to look at our own behaviour because we're more busy pointing fingers than to look inward
I love this!! A lot of those posts turn complex people into quick labels and that’s not how psychology works. It also makes it easier to point outward instead of staying curious about our own patterns. Being interested in psychology should make us more thoughtful, not more rigid. Discernment matters just as much as knowledge.
When language gets inflated, people stop listening. There is a cost to misusing trauma-informed language.
At the same time, awareness helps someone recognize patterns instead of turning everything into a diagnosis. But when everything is labeled trauma, nothing is. There’s a difference between insight and escalation, and social media tends to blur that line.
Exactly. You’ve interpreted my underlying message perfectly. While we can blame external factors, social media, AI, or the noise of constant communication. it all ultimately filters through our internal perspective. A label is just an external tool; the decision of how to see our own pain remains an internal one.
I agree that labels are tools. The risk is when they become shields or weapons instead of bridges to understanding. Insight requires responsibility, escalation doesn’t. And social media often rewards the latter.
There is an easy exit that is hard to take: stop asking for the validation of a label. After a relationship ends badly, people often obsess over labels; trauma, narcissism, and so on—to validate their pain.
In doing so, they often forget their own errors. This validation brings nothing.
Sometimes, seeking "closure" or a "definition" only makes the wound more complicated. Perhaps the most virtuous thing to do is to move on without a label at all
to simply cut the thought and the feeling, and walk away.
(Look at that, hahaha after 2 years of seeking validation, that was my exit!)
Thank you so much for saying that, it means a lot, especially coming from a therapist and author. The Breakup Menu is such an interesting title and already suggests intention, options, and choice. I’m looking forward to reading it. I always enjoy seeing how different voices approach similar terrain.
Pain is the chisel of the soul; for the resilient, it carves a masterpiece of character; for the bitter, it merely chips away the stone until nothing is left but dust.
I love the way you described that. Pain really does shape us, but the direction it takes depends on how we meet it. There’s so much agency in choosing growth over hardening.
I love this! I’ve noticed a lot of what you mentioned here on social media. Another one that I’ve noticed a lot is the word “trigger.” Some people throw that one around to describe everything that bothers them.
Yep, that one gets used so loosely now. It starts to lose its meaning when everything uncomfortable gets labeled that way. There’s a big difference between being activated and being truly overwhelmed at a nervous system level. Language shapes how we understand ourselves, so it matters how casually we use certain words. I’m glad you noticed that too.
I actually find it strange that therapists are on Instagram. it devalues the work we do. A cute post that gives you superficial insights is not really something I find helpful. And that therapetic language is so common place these days is a communication problem because now we have to define what it really means. I also wrote about this on substack. mercedescue788560.substack.com
I agree. When therapeutic language becomes casual content, it starts to lose precision and depth. It can blur the difference between education and entertainment, which matters in clinical work. We end up having to clarify what terms actually mean instead of being able to use them cleanly. I’d love to read what you wrote on Substack about it. Send me the link to the post.
Yes! Sometimes it’s just stress, numbers, and being upset, not a personality pattern that needs decoding. Not every hard moment has to turn into something that needs analyzing. I miss when breakups could just be sad without becoming a project. There was something simpler about letting it hurt and letting that be enough.
Such a needed reminder. Not all pain is pathology. Sometimes it’s just heartbreak, not a diagnosis. Thanks for bringing clarity back to the conversation.
That’s exactly the point!! Sometimes pain is just human, ordinary behavior, not something that needs to be labeled or fixed. I love that you understood this post!
Amen to that!! I'm the first one who's interested in psychology but I tend to be very sceptical of people, especially on Instagram, who all they talk about is how to diagnose a narcissist, or "you can tell someone has a personality disorder by these 5 traits", usually most of them spread misinformation and a lot of people fall for it. And sometimes labeling someone become an excuse for not to look at our own behaviour because we're more busy pointing fingers than to look inward
I love this!! A lot of those posts turn complex people into quick labels and that’s not how psychology works. It also makes it easier to point outward instead of staying curious about our own patterns. Being interested in psychology should make us more thoughtful, not more rigid. Discernment matters just as much as knowledge.
Ordinary Human Behavior will henceforth be known as OHB. I've suffered from it my whole life.
I love that! OHB. It allows space for contradiction and messiness without turning any of it into pathology.
I blame Google, or people becoming aware and wise, or just being overly dramatic.
When language gets inflated, people stop listening. There is a cost to misusing trauma-informed language.
At the same time, awareness helps someone recognize patterns instead of turning everything into a diagnosis. But when everything is labeled trauma, nothing is. There’s a difference between insight and escalation, and social media tends to blur that line.
Exactly. You’ve interpreted my underlying message perfectly. While we can blame external factors, social media, AI, or the noise of constant communication. it all ultimately filters through our internal perspective. A label is just an external tool; the decision of how to see our own pain remains an internal one.
I agree that labels are tools. The risk is when they become shields or weapons instead of bridges to understanding. Insight requires responsibility, escalation doesn’t. And social media often rewards the latter.
There is an easy exit that is hard to take: stop asking for the validation of a label. After a relationship ends badly, people often obsess over labels; trauma, narcissism, and so on—to validate their pain.
In doing so, they often forget their own errors. This validation brings nothing.
Sometimes, seeking "closure" or a "definition" only makes the wound more complicated. Perhaps the most virtuous thing to do is to move on without a label at all
to simply cut the thought and the feeling, and walk away.
(Look at that, hahaha after 2 years of seeking validation, that was my exit!)
Your voice here feels both reflective and accessible.
As a therapist and author, I’m always drawn to writing like this. I just shared a piece called The Breakup Menu that explores similar themes.
Thank you so much for saying that, it means a lot, especially coming from a therapist and author. The Breakup Menu is such an interesting title and already suggests intention, options, and choice. I’m looking forward to reading it. I always enjoy seeing how different voices approach similar terrain.
Pain is the chisel of the soul; for the resilient, it carves a masterpiece of character; for the bitter, it merely chips away the stone until nothing is left but dust.
I love the way you described that. Pain really does shape us, but the direction it takes depends on how we meet it. There’s so much agency in choosing growth over hardening.
I love this! I’ve noticed a lot of what you mentioned here on social media. Another one that I’ve noticed a lot is the word “trigger.” Some people throw that one around to describe everything that bothers them.
Yep, that one gets used so loosely now. It starts to lose its meaning when everything uncomfortable gets labeled that way. There’s a big difference between being activated and being truly overwhelmed at a nervous system level. Language shapes how we understand ourselves, so it matters how casually we use certain words. I’m glad you noticed that too.
I actually find it strange that therapists are on Instagram. it devalues the work we do. A cute post that gives you superficial insights is not really something I find helpful. And that therapetic language is so common place these days is a communication problem because now we have to define what it really means. I also wrote about this on substack. mercedescue788560.substack.com
I agree. When therapeutic language becomes casual content, it starts to lose precision and depth. It can blur the difference between education and entertainment, which matters in clinical work. We end up having to clarify what terms actually mean instead of being able to use them cleanly. I’d love to read what you wrote on Substack about it. Send me the link to the post.
Yes! Sometimes it’s just stress, numbers, and being upset, not a personality pattern that needs decoding. Not every hard moment has to turn into something that needs analyzing. I miss when breakups could just be sad without becoming a project. There was something simpler about letting it hurt and letting that be enough.